


its 4am i have no title

by SmileForYongGuk



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: B.A.P will make various appearances just a heads up, I already got the third part written out wow, I'll make a B.A.P chat too sometime soon, M/M, hskski tagged all the members because i can, i wrote most of this at 4am, idk why tho i could jisy tag exo but whatever, looks like I'm making this a series, this is gonna get weird fast
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-01-29 08:01:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12626604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmileForYongGuk/pseuds/SmileForYongGuk
Summary: Sehun: I can't believe it! How could you lie to me? After all we've been through??? Was I not enough?????Junmyeon: what's wrong?Baek: gasp!!! a couple fight?! Where's my popcorn!Yixing: shouldn't you be helping mend the relationship? :(Minseok: it's Chanyeol's fault.Kyungsoo: it's Chanyeol's fault.Jongin: It's most definitely Chanyeol's fault.





	1. Adidas and Baek wants some love too

**Author's Note:**

> what the rufkc am i doing i dont even like??? enjoy this weird piece of garbage im vomiting out i wanted to try something new well not new since I've done this kind of stuff before buT YOU KNOW I wanted some kind of thing that I could update even though i have a whole shit ton of stories ro update
> 
> enjoy???

Sehun: I can't believe it! How could you lie to me? After all we've been through??? Was I not enough?????

Junmyeon: what's wrong?

  
Baek: gasp!!! a couple fight?! Where's my popcorn!

  
Yixing: shouldn't you be helping mend the relationship? :(

  
Minseok: it's Chanyeol's fault.

  
Kyungsoo: it's Chanyeol's fault.

Jongin: It's most definitely Chanyeol's fault

  
Yifan: what did Chanyeol do this time

  
Chanyeol: WHY IS IT ALWAYS MY FAULT

  
Tao: he's talking to vivi. Apparently he came home with an adidas jacket and Sehun lost his shit.

  
Chanyeol: Vivi is an intellectual! He knows what's good!

  
Sehun: HE HAD THE GOOD GOOD HE DOESN'T NEED SOME ATHLETIC WEAR TO TRICK PEOPLE INTO THINKING HE DOES WORKOUTS

  
Chanyeol: ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING

  
Luhan: I still have the good go-

  
Minseok: shut up, Han. This isn't about you.

  
Luhan: ...harsh.

  
Sehun: I WAS BETRAYED! WHO'S GONNA WEAR LOUIS VUITTON'S NEWEST DOGGIE COLLECTION???

  
Kyungsoo: just get another dog. Vivi could use a si

  
Jongin: Soo???

  
Junmyeon: who is screaming?!?! Is there a stranger in the dorm???

  
Baek: VIVI IS CHASING AND TEARING AT KYUNGSOO'S CLOTHES I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM SO TERRIFIED

  
Yixing: why aren't you helping him!! >:(

  
Baek: has Kyungsoo ever helped me?

  
Yifan: Baek, you know that's a lie. Kyungsoo might ~~strangle and~~ kick you occasionally, but he's always helped you in your darkest of times.

  
Tao: You mean when Baek got aggravated as fuck when his eyeliner wasn't working and he ended up with eyeliner all over the place and he only had a few minutes before Minseok came home so Soo helped him scrub the dorm clean and even took one of my eyeliner's for Baek to use???

  
Minseok: YOU GOR EYELINER ALL OVER WHAT

  
Jongdae: or when he accidentally spilled spaghetti on the carpet and tried to use one of Junmyeon's jackets to cover it up?? but Kyungsoo made some weird cleaning concoction to get the stain out?

  
Junmyeon: I KNEW IT WASN'T ME

  
Jongin: oh what about the time he landed on one of Chanyeol's guitar and Soo helped him find another one exactly like it?

  
Chanyeol: HE BROKE ONE OF MY GUITARS??? WHICH ONE WAS IT?! HAROLD?!? MORELLO??? LALA??

  
Minseok: what kind of fuckinf name is Lala?!

  
Luhan: LALA AS IN FROM TELETUBBIES

  
Chanyeol: SHUR YOUR FUCKCINF MOUH

  
Kyungsoo: I WAS MAWLED AND NONE OF YOU HELPED ME!! YOU GUYS WERE TOO BUSY TEYINF TO CONVINCE AN ASSHOLE OF A FRIEND TO HELP AND

  
Yixing: I-I'm an a-asshole? っ╥╯﹏╰╥c

  
Kyungsoo: no, not you Yixing. You're an angel, I appreciate you coming to help.

  
Sehun: IS NO ONE GOING TO HELP ME WITH MY SITUATION

  
Tao: Sehun, Vivi can wear what he likes. It's okay for him to wear Adidas or any other brand.

  
Jongin: So is Vivi allowed to wear your Gucci flora sake print silk bomber jacket? :)

  
Tao: of cours

  
Tao: WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY FLORA SNAKE PRINT SILK BOMBER JACKET

  
Sehun: VIVI LOOKS AMAZING IN THIS JACKET TAO YOU'RE THE BEST

  
Tao: I- yeah of course. I was gonna give it to him for his birthday :) I'm glad he likes it

  
Sehun: I COULD KISS YOU

  
Junmyeon: please don't kiss your brother

  
Jongdae: that's incest, we're not fans of the white culture

  
Chanyeol: is there anything I can do to help you, Soo? :(

  
Kyungsoo: Yixing is already helping me, I'm fine.

  
Yixing: Vivi tore up his pants and even his jacket it's only fair that I get Kyungsoo new clothes

  
Baek: I WANT CLOTHES TOO I RIPPED MY SHIRT TRYING TO OPEN A CAN

  
Luhan: how the fuck do you rip your shirt while opening a can??

  
Junmyeon: that's so sweet of you Yixing.

  
Yifan: Kyungsoo did you get the package yet?

  
Kyungsoo: the blue box with the yellow bow on top?

  
Yifan: yes, I forgot to send the box earlier for your birthday and as a congratulation gift for your movie. Junmyeon sent me a copy and I know it's going to get you that scholarship! By the way, the ending to it was well done on your part. I cried for an hour after it was done.

  
Kyungsoo: that??? was??? from??? you???

  
Yifan: I thought you'd like some of these kitchen knives I found in America. They're honestly the greatest knives I've used. Even the table knives cut through meat like one of the regular ones!!

  
Jongdae: Kyungsoo is crying?!?!?!?

  
Baek: DAD, LOVE ME TOO!! GUYS, APPRECIATE BAEKHYUN TOO!!!! BAEKHYUN IS A GOOD BOY

  
Chanyeol: I thought Yixing was your dadd

  
Yixing: I'm his what?

  
Baek: N-NOTHING HE'S CRAZY HAHAHAHA SO FUNNY CHANYEOL

  
Baek: HEY CHANYEOL ARE YOU BUSY I HAVE SOMEONE YOU NEED TO TALK TO

  
Chanyeol: who?

  
Baek: MY FIST

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 11/13: I realized i fucked up and had to change some things in order for this to be correct so uh... yeah i fhcjed up but its good now!!!


	2. A Family Has Formed!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk where this is going but I just want to do something. Uh... I think this chat thing is like a college au? well not really. Okay so the back story to this is basically they all grew up in the same neighborhood and their parents are friends with each other. The age differences are the same except the oldest is 21, which is Yifan. Junmyeon is 20 bc i love Krisho and making them the "parents". Wnksk I'll just do a list.
> 
> So here are the ages:  
> Yifan- 21  
> Junmyeon- 20  
> Minseok, Luhan- 19  
> Yixing, Baekhyun, Jongdae, Chanyeol- 18  
> Kyungsoo- 17  
> Tao, Jongin- 16  
> Sehun- 15

Baekhyun: KYUNGSOO!!

Kyungsoo: ?? You could just message me privately?

Chanyeol: yeah, some of us don't need a distraction rn

Baekhyun: But everyone has to witness that I'm being nice!

Yixing: but you are nice, Baekhyun. Even if you didn't help Soo last time, you've always been nice to me. :)

Tao: he's only _ever_ nice to you, Xing.

Baekhyun: I'M NICE TO EVERYONE ELSE TOO, TAO. And this is one of those moments where I am nice. I'm making up for not helping Kyungsoo escape Vivi!

Luhan: I asked your advice on what clothes to wear for my date, and you told me "do I look like a fucking dresser? Why would i help you with something so simple?"

Baekhyun: yes, but I also said to just wear the light blue sweater with the white shoes! Your pretty face makes up for anything you lack.

Jongdae: you literally just dissed him and complimented him all in one sentence, that says a lot about you, Baek.

Luhan: I'm not pretty!

Minseok: Uh, yeah you are.

Luhan: ... Okay.

Sehun: trying on more Adidas sportswear even though you haven't gone to the gym in 3 years, Chanyeol? :)

Chanyeol: yoU TAKE THAT BACK

Junmyeon: Sehun, it's not funny to insult your brother, even if you're right.

Sehun: He isn't even my real brother! It's doesn't-

Yifan: Sehun, apologize to Chanyeol.

Sehun: ...I'm sorry... for calling you a fake...

Junmyeon: how come he listens to you?

Jongdae: 'cause Yifan is dad?? A cool dad *insert emoji with sunglasses*

Yifan: I'm a dad???

Jongin: Do you not want to be Dad? :( I already told my teacher that my dad's name is Yifan... on accident though. If you're not dad then that's cool, I'll just tell my teacher I don't have a dad.

Tao: why would you say you don't have a dad? Won't it show in your profile that Yifan isn't your dad and that you DO have a dad?

Jongin: ... Oh. Right. Haha.

Baekhyun: I'm taking Kyungsoo to the zoo!

Kyungsoo: why a zoo?

Yifan: but why Me?

Minseok: maybe cause you're the oldest? Idk.

Baekhyun: because they have a petting ground for the new stingrays! I've been wanting to go! Please, Soo? *puppy emoji*

Chanyeol: so since Junmyeon is mom and Yifan is dad, does that mean they... love each other? :o

Junmyeon: pfft! what! that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever read! *laughing emoji**laughing emoji**laughing emoji*

Yixing: Junmyeon why is your face all red. And Baek, can I come to the zoo too?

Junmyeon: it's! not! I'm just hot!

Jongdae: anything you want to tell us, Mom? *smirk emoji*

Baekhyun: OF COURSE YIXING

Chanyeol: no you can not borrow my cologne, Baekhyun. Don't you have your own? I'm not even home.

Baekhyun: YOU DIMWI

Tao: does that mean I can get an allowance

Kyungsoo: I don't need to go to the zoo. Why don't you just go with Yixing instead if you wanted to go yourself.

Baekhyun: but I'm trying to make it up to you!!!

Kyungsoo: You literally just said YOU wanted to go.

Sehun: oh, oh! Me too! I want money!

Junmyeon: I'm not your real mother!!

Luhan: this is the fastest record of a family breaking up. It's been a good 20 minutes, guys.

Chanyeol: Dad, why did you get quiet?

Yifan: my final assignment before graduating from college is almost due, Chanyeol. I need to make sure it's great.

Junmyeon: do you need help?

Yifan: I'm good, Kibum is meeting with me at 5 to edit my paper. Also, maybe you'll get an allowance once Mr. Bang gets my portfolio and accepts me into his art studio.

Junmyeon: oh, okay. I'm here if you need any help though! :)

Luhan: so... you are Dad?

Yifan: sure, you guys should've told me sooner so I would have at least acted better.

Jongdae: family is back on!

Junmyeon: you're okay with them calling you that?

Yifan: yeah, there's no harm done with it. Except for the money I'll lose, I don't see anything wrong with entertaining them.

Jongdae: Chanyeol, are you crying?

Chanyeol: NO, I JUST PET A DOG AND MY ALLERGIES ACTED UP

Jongdae: I can literally see you crying in the corner of the library

Chanyeol: OKAY YOU CAUGHT ME I'M JUST SO

Sehun: Yifan is really Boyfriend Material™, how have you not found someone yet?

_**Luhan changed the group's name to "Wu Family".** _

_**Sehun changed "Yifan" to "Boyfriend Material"** _

Jongdae: Sehun what the fuck. If we're gonna be a family you can't be calling your dad "Boyfriend Material"

_**Jongdae changed "Boyfriend Material" to "Dad"** _

_**Jongdae changed "Junmyeon" to "Mom"** _

_**Jongdae changed "Sehun" to "Lil Shit"** _

Tao: we need a group photo!!

Lil Shit: JONGDAE WHAT THE HELL

Chanyeol: YIFAN IS SO NICE I WISH YOU WERE MY REAL DAD *crying emoji* JUNMYEON IS LUCKY TO HAVE YOU AS HIS PARTNER, I MEAN HUSBAND

Yixing: Junmyeon just choked on his water, are you okay?

Mom: I literally want to die

Dad: we aren't actually married, you know that, Chanyeol?

Chanyeol: I KNOW

Jongin: can I get a dog? :)

Kyungsoo: I'm gonna leave before this gets worse.

Dad: I'm gonna log off too. Bye, kids.

Mom: He just called you guys kids... I need a week.

_**Kyungsoo, Dad and Mom**_ _**logged off** _

Yixing: I'm heading off to the zoo, Baek! Meet you there in 30 minutes!

Baekhyun: oh my god, I haven't even found my nice sweater yet!

**_Yixing and_ ** **_Baekhyun logged off_ **

Jongin: is this classified as a date?

Jongdae: it's just two bros going to the zoo to pet some stringrays

Jongin: let's go too then! We're all bros!

Chanyeol: we shouldn't interrupt them. It was clearly a "just me and Yixing" thing.

Lil Shit: which is even more of a reason to go crash their "hangout". Who's in?

Luhan: Crash in on Baek's mood? Always.

Minseok: I got nothing better to do.

Jongdae: yaaaahhhhh!!!

Tao: might as well. See all of you guys in 30.

_**Jongdae, Jongin, Lil Shit, Tao, Luhan, and Minseok logged off** _

Chanyeol: sigh... Baek's gonna be mad.

_**Chanyeol logged off** _

 

 

 

_Earlier_

Baekhyun: and once Yixing asks to come to the zoo, just leave me hanging!

Kyungsoo: I don't see why I need to help.

Baekhyun: pllleeeeaaaaassssssseeee

Kyungsoo: fine.

Baekhyun: thanks, Soo. I really do owe you one!

Kyungsoo: just get me that Pororo plushie like you said and we'll call it even.

 


	3. Yixing the matchmaker, betrayal, and everyone loves Dad- Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... when I first entered the EXO fandom back in October of last year, I saw that people shipped Daehyun and Baekhyun? I was confused you know but then after like reading one fic with the two I was like oh yes I am sold even though I also ship Baekxing and wkdsj my ships are as much of a mess as this chapter and my whole existence

Kyungsoo: Did you have fun on your date Baekhyun?

Yixing: oh, you had a date, Baek?

Baek: no! Kyungsoo is just messing around! haha!

Yixing: so you didn’t go on a date? Or was it today?

Baek: no, Yixing I swear I didn’t. Kyungsoo was just supposed to hangout with me.

Kyungsoo: I’m not “hanging out” with you, Baek. Last time I did, I ended up waking up in a random garage with a hangover.

Baek: I didn’t know Ken was mixing people’s drinks up!

Yixing: Was Kyungsoo supposed to be your wingman for your date?

Jongdae: Yixing, sweetie. Baekhyun hasn’t dated in two years. A proper date that is. I don’t know if his flings can count as dating.

Yixing: so he did have a date? I was going to ask him to go to the carnival! Oh no, you should have told me Baek! :( I wouldn't have intruded on your plans to get a boyfriend.

Luhan: this is actually painful to read

Minseok: tell me about it.

Chanyeol: Yixing, there was _no date_ . As in Kyungsoo is just _joking_ and he just likes _teasing_ Baekhyun.

Yixing: oh… But do you want to go on a date, Baekhyun? A proper one?

Lil Shit: oh my god is it finally happening *shocked emoji**confetti emoji*

Tao: actually, Baek. Junhong told me that his older brother Daehyun asked if you were free tonight.

Lil Shit: who's Junhong?

Baek: Daehyun?? What Daehyun?? There’s like five Daehyuns in the school

Tao: the one in your college math class? And in choir? Best friends with Yoo Youngjae?

Yixing: Bang Daehyun? The one that has the same vocal range as Baek?

Tao: yeah. He’s been crushing on Baek ever since he sang Open Arms and then sang Crazy In Love. Don’t even get me started when Baekhyun decided to sing one of Shin Youngjae’s songs. It was like he was giving me a speech ass to why Baekhyun was a gift sent from heaven

Lil Shit: Baekhyun hasn’t turned this red since Y

Lil Shit: BAEKHYUN JUST ATTACKED ME WHAT TEH FUCK

Yixing: Ooohhhh you should've said something sooner, Tao! He's been asking about Baekhyun over here since he transferred into my Physics class!

Baek: I, what?!

Yixing: since Kyungsoo bailed on you as a wingman, I’ll be your wingman! I'll call Daehyun and tell him to meet you at the carnival! Be ready at 5!

**_Yixing logged off_ **

Jongdae: holy fuck. Did that just actually happen?!

Chanyeol: Now I'm just crying sad tears.

Jongin: aw, Baek! Yixing is such a nice brother! :)

Baek: I want to actually die

Lil Shit: wHo Is JUnHoNg

Tao: my friend from gym class? He’s got demin colored hair? Really tall? Has squishy cheeks? I’m sure you’ve seen him at the skate park.

Lil Shit: doesn’t ring a bell.

Jongdae: if i remember correctly, Junhong and Sehun were in a dance competition. Sehun lost to him by one point.

Chanyeol: ahhh, that Junhong! He’s great.

Lil Shit: no he’s not

Luhan: are you jealous ???

Lil Shit: Why would _Oh Sehun_ be jealous of him?

Minkseok: Tao I thought you said Junhong was your best friend

Tao: w-what? I never said that! *sweating emoji*

Minseok: I quote, “he’s like, my best friend!”

Tao: nonsense! I was talking about Sehun!

Minseok: _(image attachment)_

Luhan: its expose hour!

Lil Shit: not only was I betrayed by Vivi, I’m being betrayed my Tao too.

Tao: I can have two best friends! It’s possible!

Jongdae: he’s gotta be the main hoe, not a side hoe

Lil Shit: yeAH

Lil Shit: wait

Lil Shit: I’m not a hoe, Baekhyun is!

Baek: excuse you????

Chanyeol: what I wanna know is why Tao had to bring up Daehyun and cause Yixing to run off and set up a date between the two.

Baek: oh yEAH TAO WHY DID YOU SAY THAT

Jongin: but Yixing is just trying to be nice to you??? He wants you have a proper relationship. Jongup has told me a lot about him and he seems like a good guy!

Lil Shit: and who the _fuck_ is _Jongup_?

Jongin: he’s in my dance class and is another one of Junhong’s brothers. There’s three of them.

Lil Shit: I can’t believe my best friends are cheating on me

Jongin: Taeminie is my best friend though?

Luhan: holy fuck

Kyungsoo: this is actually pretty satisfying to watch

**_Lil Shit changed Tao to Snake #1_ **

**_Lil Shit changed Jongin to Snake #2_ **

Minseok: make up with each other before Dad comes and sees this mess. Anyways I gotta go meet up with Dongwoo, bye

_**Minseok logged off** _

Luhan: who’s Dongwoo?

Lil Shit: who’s Dongwoo??

Jongdae: why y’all so possessive smh

Chanyeol: you might as well go on that date Baekhyun. And then at the end you can tell him you’re not interested

Snake #2: that’s so harsh!

**_Dad logged on_ **

Dad: what’s going on? Why did Sehun come running to my apartment with tears all over his face?

Kyungsoo: you actually ran to dad’s house?!

Jongdae: you said Dad! I knew you wanted to be a part of this family!

Kyungsoo: …

Kyungsoo: it slipped

Kyungsoo: do I even have a choice

Dad: just read what happened. Tao it’s nice you tried to set up Baek with whoever Daehyun is but clearly Baek wants to go on a date with Yixing

Snake #2: … so it’s not two bros hanging out?

Jongdae: you’re okay with that even though it’s incest?

Dad: first off, it’s not incest. None of you are related. Second, Baek’s been crushing on Yixing for the past three years. Third, you guys know Sehun is a baby and is sensitive.

Baek: Dad gets me! *crying emoji**heart emoji*

Dad: of course I do. Ever since you got picked on in middle school and I helped you, you practically clung to me. Now you usually come running to the apartment whenever you’re upset.

Chanyeol: why am I crying

**_Mom logged on_ **

Mom: Minseok messaged me saying I need to check up on you guys

Luhan: are we gonna get lectured

Snake #1: I didn’t know Yixing would set Daehyun up with Baek!

Dad: sigh. Okay, Baek. Just go on the date and say what Chanyeol told you. Bailing on it will only hurt his feelings and Yixing’s because he wanted to help.

Baek: okay. Can I come over after it’s done?

Dad: yeah, the key is where it’s always been.

Jongdae: no fair! How come you all get to spend time with Dad?

Mom: what about me?

Snake #1: excuse me but I want in on this

Snake #2: me too, me too!

Luhan: you guys are childish

Luhan: …

Luhan: canIjoin

Kyungsoo: isitokayifigotoo

Dad: if none of you have anything to do, come over so we can all talk. I bought a new TV and there’s a new pizza place that opened up around the corner.

Lil Shit: is Mom gonna join?

Jongdae: are you, Mom*smirk emoji**smirk emoji*

Mom: I’ll see if I can finish my assignment for Mr. Wilson before 7 and then I’ll head over. Do you want any ice cream?

Chanyeol: YES

Snake #1: mint chocolate chip!

Snake #2: cookie dough!

Dad: see you soon, okay Baek? At least enjoy the date itself.

Baek: okay

**_Baekhyun logged off_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everything is such a mess and huhcu i hope you enjoyed this update????
> 
> P.S: Give love to Mama Junmyeon, he leads a stressful life and needs love from his kids(maybe from his fake husband too)


	4. Yixing The Matchmaker, more betrayal, and everyone loves Dad- Part 2

Dad: Baek, answer your phone. You never came over and you never go offline for more than a few hours. Are you okay?

Mom: It's only been a day. I'm 23% sure he's okay

Jongdae: did it go well?

Chanyeol: did you hurt his feelings or did he hurt yours

Lil Shit: I called Yixing to ask if he knew if Daehyun would take Baek anywhere else but he said the carnival was their only date place.

_**Yixing logged on** _

Yixing: is Baek here yet?

Snake #2: no. Maybe he wants to be alone?

Minseok: Baek doesn't like being alone.

Yixing: did I do something wrong? π_π

Snake #1: did he die??? what if Daehyun is actually a serial killer oh my gid i just killed my best friend

Lil Shit: oh so Baekhyun is your best friend too? You've been lying to me this whole time!

Chanyeol: Baek could be dead and you're worrying about friendship right now?!

Kyungsoo: or the date went really well and Baekhyun doesn't know how to cope with that

Mom: it could be a possibility

Luhan: I WANT ALL THE DETAILS BAEK GET ONLINE RIGHT NOW

_**Baekhyun logged on** _

Baekhyun: who do you think you are using that tone with, Lu?

Snake #1: YOU'RE ALIVE I THOUGHT I WOUKD HAVE HAD TO FIND A NEW BEST FRIEND

Yixing: are you okay?

Lil Shit: I'm literally crying right now

Dad: Tao stop hurting Sehun's feelings. How'd it go, Baek?

Baekhyun: I'm sorry.

Chanyeol: we forgive you but what are you sorry for

Baekhyun: I panicked

Mom: don't tell me you ran off and didn't go on the date

Baekhyun: no I went I just

Baekhyun: fuck

Baekhyun: it went really well

Baekhyun: extremely well that I forgot it was a date and ended up agreeing to another one

Chanyeol: BQNSOXBWN

Jongdae: I agree with Chanyeol, BZOXQNF

Yixing: really?! I'm glad it went well!ヾ(〃^∇^)ﾉ

Lil Shit: holy fuck

Luhan: I WANT DETAILS GIVE ME THE DETAILS

Minseok: I thought you weren't okay with this??

Luhan: the man deserves a chance

Minseok: you called me screaming about how frustrated it is for you to see Baekhyun not get his actual Man

Luhan: ...dates are cool is that what you want me to say

Baekhyun: He was dressed really nice and you guys know I'm a suCkER for sweater paws and the fucjer literally wore the babiest blue I've ever seen with some dark jeans and

Luhan: you had me at “babiest blue”

Baekhyun: anyways we went in and walked around for a bit. We played some games you know and then we tried the dart throwing. Daehyun almost poked the guy's eye out which was surprisingly hilarious but he managed to actually pop five balloons in his second turn

Luhan: Did he get you something?!

Baekhyun: He asked for the giant stuffed panda and gave it to me and

Snake #1: what the fuck _I_ should've gone to the date

Baekhyun: we rode a couple rides where I almost cried but he held my hand and scolded me for not telling him I was kinda scared

Lil Shit: ….where can I get myself a boyfriend like that

Jongdae: they're not dating

Lil Shit: buT STILL

Chanyeol: Baekhyun always gets the good ones

Jongdae: well not always, remember that Sicko guy?

Chanyeol: you mean Zico

Snake #2: I remember him! He wore a lot of… interesting hairstyles

Jongdae: they were terrible hairstyles and he was kind of an ass

Dad: so he treated you well?

Baekhyun: yeah and now I want to cry

Yixing: don't cry! You should be happy!

Mom: don't you have his number? Why don't you text him you can't?

Kyungsoo: he wants to go on another one, don't you?

Snake #2: Chanyeol and Jongdae just passed out

Snake #1: honestly same

Luhan: not to be out of my mind, but I think Daehyun and Baekhyun would make a better cute couple.

Minseok: how do you know that?

Luhan: Tao showed me a picture of him. See.

Luhan: _(1 attachment)_

Minseok: ho-wow not to say I agree but I agree

Baekhyun: Should I?

Mom: Yifan and I talked about it and thought maybe it's time for you to… go on?

Baekhyun: ...I'll need some time.

Lil Shit: just! tell! him!

Yixing: tell who what?

Dad: not to get off topic because I love Baek and all, sweet child of mine or not, but why don't you guys give Junmyeon any love?

Baekhyun: can you actually be my real Dad I've never been this loved before

Chanyeol: who?

Jongdae: doesn't ring a bell

Dad: sigh. Your mom?

Snake #1: oh…. uh…

Snake #2: has Mom ever gotten me a puppy?

Mom: oh so because I don't give you gifts all of a sudden I can't be Mom

Snake #1: no.

**_Snake #1 changed “Mom” to “not Mom”_ **

Luhan: you said this was a lame joke for us

Dad: Junmyeon deserves love too, you guys.

Lil Shit: why don't YOU give Mom some love

Dad: I

not Mom: _Sehun_

Kyungsoo: true

Yixing: go on a date!

Lil Shit: Y

Jongdae: E

Chanyeol: S

Luhan: !

Dad: I… If you're cool with it, then let's go on a date, Jun.

not Mom: *thumbs up emoji*

Luhan: go on the date now!!

Dad: what?? Now??

Snake #1: YES

Snake #2: GO

Baekhyun: NOW

Minseok: !

Kyungsoo: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Dad: are you free now?

not Mom: *thumbs up emoji*

Lil Shit: He’ll meet you at Francisco’s in 30 minutes!!

Dad: oh shi- okay.

**_Dad logged off_ **

Jongdae: THEY'RE GOING ON A DATE OH MY GOD THE LORD HAS RISEN AND GRANTED MY WISH

Chanyeol: YIXING IS TRULY THE MATCHMAKER

Minseok: we broke Junmyeon, didn't we?

Lil Shit: a little. He looks dumbstruck and he's not really breathing.

not Mom: I can't believe you guys just did that

Snake #1: correction, Yixing Did That™

Snake #2: HURRY UP AND GO DON'T KEEO DAD WAITING

not Mom: everyone gets a new electronic device after this, bye!!

**_not Mom logged off_ **

Snake #1: WE'RE GONNA GET PRESENTS!!!!!!!!!!

Jongdae: YAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

Chanyeol: MY PARENTS ARE FINALLY GOING TO GET MARRIED

Yixing: they need to date for two years before doing that

Lil Shit: THEY'VE BEEN MARRIED SINCE LUHAN WAS BORN

Luhan: we need to book a hotel and get a shit ton of alcohol

Minseok: no alcohol.

Luhan: ... no alcohol.

Jongin: BALLOONS!!! AND LET'S GET A TON OF PUPPIES SO THEY CAN HELP POP THE CONFETTI LAUNCHERS

Chanyeol: I SECOND THAT

Yixing: and bunnies!!

Baekhyun: guys… we first need to plan the bachelor parties! Are we going to split in half? or are we going to do one and then the other the week after?

Minseok: we're gonna need to spam this chat if we don't want them to see this

Kyungsoo: I learned a new recipe today, maybe I could make it for the party.

Baekhyun: Soo I knew you wanted this as much as us :')

Kyungsoo: shut up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 〣( ºΔº )〣 I apologize for not updating oops I literally had it done the day after I posted the 3rd chapter but got a little busy. Anyways, MAMAs are shit and I didn't vote because I knew they would've fucked EXO over so... bye


	5. Surprise, Bring It Down BBH, and this is nonsense

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys this is a little shor t๏╭╮๏ I've been lacking creativity and haven't really worked on anything but here's the 6th chapter!

Lil Shit: GUYS

Jongdae: go to sleep

Lil Shit: it's 2pm get out of bed lazy ass

Jongdae: who allowed you to speak to me like that?

Lil Shit: me, anyways, it's Tao's birthday soon!!

Snake #2: I'm gonna get him some panda slippers and a phone case!

Baek: so you're going to plan his party?

Lil Shit: who else would do a good job at it?

Luhan: Yifan? He's an art student and put together our birthday party which was *thumbs up emoji*

Chanyeol: you'd probably set the decorations on fire, Sehun.

Lil Shit: that wasn't my fault!!! That squirrel attacked me so I threw the candle at it!!

**_Yixing logged on_ **

Yixing: it's almost Taozi's birthday! :D I bought decorations and Mom and Dad are gonna help me set it up!

Minseok: aren't you supposed to be studying for your test with Mr. Irwin?

Yixing: I asked to take it early so I would have time to set up the party! It's better to finish early than wait.

Lil Shit: …

Lil Shit: why

Yixing: what do you mean why? Tao loves these kinds of things! I even got him a really nice cake

**_Lil Shit logged off_ **

Luhan: Yixing…

Yixing: what? Did I do something wrong?

Baek: wellyouneverdoanythingright

Baek: oopS GOTTA GO

Chanyeol: where are you goinG?

Baek: Dae invited me to see a movie.

Jongdae: as much as I liked you and my brother together, you and Dae make a pretty good couple…

Baek: we’re not dating!

Chanyeol: are you sure? Everyone seems to think you are considering you posted pictures of you two ‘hanging out’.

Baek: I swear we aren’t! Not yet at least

Snake #2: I can see it. The two of you, hand in hand as you eat ice cream together! You have my blessing.

Luhan: you had mine once I saw him!

Minseok: oh my god you two don’t even get to decide Baekhyun’s feelings. Although Yifan already approves and Junmyeon is still iffy.

Kyungsoo: while you’re at it, tell Daehyun to tell Hyuk rehearsal is at 6pm!

Jongdae: you have friends?!

Kyungsoo: I’m going to pretend you didn’t send that. Anyways, shut up and don’t spam too much.

Baek: yeah I gotta go too! I should also look for present.

**_Kyungsoo and Baek logged off_ **

Minseok: Xing, are you going to need any help?

Yixing: oh, yeah yeah. My parents let me use the lakehouse to decorate. See you there in 20?

Minseok: you got it.

Luhan: oh oh me too!

Jongdae: I wish I could help but my mom’s been on me for failing my science test *crying emoji*

Snake #2: I’m going to go get Sehun to help!

**_Dad logged on_ **

Dad: I’m dead

Chanyeol: that’s pretty dramatic?  
Dad: The owner of the studio is only three years older than me

Luhan: talk about an accomplishment. Thanks for ruining my mood again .-.

Minseok: what does that have anything to do with you being dead?

Chanyeol: you won’t leave Mom for him right

Jongdae: CHANYEOL IS ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTIONS

Minseok: you guys need to calm down seriously

Luhan: I say go for it

Minseok: you know Junmyeon could log on any second right

**_Mom logged on_ **

Mom: where’s Sehun

Snake #2: he logged off a while ago after Xing told us he had everything planned for Tao’s birthday. I think he was upset.

Mom: he’s been going through a tough time so he’s a little sensitive. Did he say anything?

Jongdae: yeah I’ve noticed he’s been extra sassy towards _me_ instead of Chanyeol

Chanyeol: he doesn’t even comment on my outfits which is great but felt off

Mom: I don’t know if I’m in any position to say this but his parents are arguing.

Luhan: aren’t they always? He’s constantly sleeping over at our houses so it should be normal?

Dad: yeah he’s done that before but I think his parents have had enough.

Minseok: are they getting…?

Mom: I’m afraid so. He’s been spending the last two weeks at my apartment saying he told his parents I’ll be helping him with a failing grade even though he’s always placing first.

Yixing: Is that why Baekhyun said I never do anything right?

Dad: He said that?!

Mom: no no Xing it’s nothing. Baek is just being… Baekhyun. Maybe he’s stressed over the final you guys have soon???

Yixing: he hasn’t been talking to me and always leaves when I come around.

Dad: I’ll talk to him.

Chanyeol: I’ll go help you guys set up the house! I have new games I got.

Mom: yeah, you guys go set up so we can all celebrate Tao’s birthday next week!

Dad: everything will be fine, just do what you guys have to do and we’ll talk to everyone else.

**_Yixing, Snake #2, Dad, and Mom logged off_ **

Chanyeol: they’re really married ;-;

Jongdae: I truly have never felt this much love for you guys before

Luhan: should we take offense to that?

Minseok: I’ll be in charge of the cake. I’ll also check up on Sehun.

_**Minseok logged off** _

Luhan: So who is Dad’s boss that he is so worried about? It could literally be anyone.

Jongdae: he’s probably being dramatic

Chanyeol: guys…

Luhan: what is it?

Chanyeol: _“Bang Yongguk is the proud owner of Portrait, a newly opened Art gallery.”_

Jongdae: Oh wow he really is young!!

Chanyeol: _“He gives a special thanks to his step brothers, Jung Junhong(16), Jung Jongup(16), and Jung Daehyun(18), for their constant support.”_

Luhan: I don’t get it?

Jongdae: so he’s related to Daehyun? That doesn’t mean anything though, right?

Luhan: Oh god, would he reject Dad if Baekhyun breaks Daehyun’s heart?!

Jongdae: that’s nonsense! He wouldn’t do that?! He can’t! Yifan has worked really hard on his paintings and— what do we do? Should we do anything?

Chanyeol: this got real wayy too fast. Should we talk to Daehyun? Or Baekhyun?

Luhan: let’s just… keep this to ourselves for now. I think I found a way to delete messages.Let’s go help Yixing for now.

Chanyeol: okay. See you guys in 10.

Jongdae: :(

 

**_Chanyeol and Jongdae logged off_ **

**_Luhan deleted a convo_ **

**_Luhan logged off_ **


	6. Freeze! Everybody cl- What’s the situation?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I keep switching Baek to Baekhyun and jandj I'm not that bothered by it so... I have a few drafts that are waiting to be fit in so hopefully I can steer this into the direction I want it to go.

Baek: I want to shove a log down my throat and die

Chanyeol: That’s a little...morbid.

Jongdae: Stop being so dramatic, the final wasn’t _that_ hard.

Baek: yeah because you just guessed on the whole thing!

Jongdae: I did not!

Minseok: You guys have it easy, shove a bag of nails up your asses if you think your finals are hard

Baek: look who is extra grumpy

Minseok: shut the fuck up

Chanyeol: Baek, let’s just leave him alone.

**_Luhan logged on_ **

Luhan: can Satan open up the Earth and drag me back down to Hell I rather have that than this

Chanyeol: are all of you that stressed? (⊙△⊙✿)

Baek: I wouldn’t be that deep in my emotions if Daehyun hadn’t stood me up.

Minseok: what the fuck he did what who does he think he is!!!!

Jongdae: really?! Do you know why? *uneasy emoji*

Baek: no I don’t know why! I saw him this morning and waved but he ignored me and— ugh! I hate boys! I thought he was going to ask me to be boyfriends and he

Chanyeol: Baek, I didn’t know you actually cared about him that much.

Baek: At first I was uneasy and then the more we hung out I started to like him and now I’m an emotional mess boys aren’t _shit_

Minseok: send me his address I’ll get there in 5 minutes to wreck his ass

Luhan: oh my god Minseok go to the nearest Starbucks I’ll order you some coffee

Minseok: thanks

Baek: seriously, everything was going so well! He was even going to invite me to his step brother’s new art collection premiere. His brother had tons of portfolios and just random pieces entered to be displayed and most of the ones picked where from one person and Jesus I really like spending time with him.

 

_°_

_Group name: What’s the situation?_

Jongdae: what did you say to him Luhan!

Luhan: I didn’t say anything!

Jongdae: Chanyeol?!

Chanyeol: No!!! We all agreed not to say anything until we found out how to approach this correctly and with no one getting their feelings hurt!

Jongdae: then what the fuck

Luhan: I am just as lost as you two

Chanyeol: I just called Baek to ask him if he decided on what to get Tao and he sounded so sad ಥ_ಥ

Jongdae: what if I ask his best friend Youngjae? Maybe he knows?

Luhan: report back to us once you’re done!

°

 

Minseok: thanks for the coffee Luhan, I needed that.

Luhan: I don’t need you ripping off everyone’s heads

**_Snake #2 logged on_ **

Snake #2: Baek, what did you do?

Baekhyun: what?

Snake #2: Jongup didn’t even want to talk to me today during dance class and when I managed to corner him later and ask why he didn’t want to talk to me is because you broke Daehyun’s heart!

Luhan: Baekhyun didn’t do anything! It was Daehyun! He didn’t even acknowledge Baek and he hasn’t done anything wrong!

**_Snake #1 logged on_ **

Snake #1: Junhong ask me what happened between Dae and Baek but I??? What’s going on

Baekhyun: is he spreading lies about me? I haven’t done anything!

Minseok: Give. Me. His. Address. Now.

Chanyeol: I’m sure there’s an explanation for all of this

Minseok: all I know is that Daehyun hurt Baekhyun’s feelings and I am in the mood to fight someone

**_Kyungsoo logged on_ **

Kyungsoo: I sense tension, does this have to do with Daehyun?

Baek: I honestly thought we could have been boyfriends is there something wrong with me? (｡•́︿•̀｡)

Minseok: I'm going to go fight his ass I'll find him on my own

**_Minseok logged off_ **

Luhan: Jesus Christ I'll go stop him

**_Luhan logged off_ **

**_Mom logged on_ **

Mom: I can hear the heat waves bounce off the trees

Chanyeol: I thought you said no drugs?

Mom: Caffeine is the only drug I know

Mom: I just scrolled up to see what I missed and I knew I was right

Kyungsoo: about Daehyun?

Mom: I've met his mom before at an event my dad was hosting and I just knew he was probably like her. Charming but with some…

Jongdae: oh yeah I've met his mom before too. She was a real stuck up bit

Mom: watch your fucking mouth

Jongdae: ๏_๏

Jongdae: You're a meanie!!! I'm calling Dad!

**_Dad logged on_ **

Jongdae: DAD! MOM TOLD ME TO SHUT THE FUCK UP

Dad: Junmyeon, are you okay? Do you need me to bring you some tea

Mom: yes please (๑-﹏-๑)

Jongdae: I've been ignored

Jongdae: is this what being the middle child feels like

Jongdae: I want out

Snake #1: wait okay so if Baek didn't do anything I'm being a real dumbass what

Snake #1: I'm going to go join Minseok's cause and beat Daehyun up *fist emoji*

Dad: no one is beating anyone up!

Chanyeol: oh god Tao please don't do that you're going to ruin Dad's chances at having his paintings presented!!!!!

Dad: what

Mom: what

Jongdae: oh my fucking god Chanyeol I'm going to personally beat your ass

Baek: …

Snake #2: what just happened what

Kyungsoo: Jesus Fucking Christ

**_Yixing logged on_ **

Yixing: I just witnessed Luhan trying to pull Minseok back but it was like a horse pulling a carriage and Luhan was failing badly

Snake #1: what is going on what do you mean I'm going to have an affect on Dad's art!? What do you know!

Kyungsoo: Baekhyun

Baek: I don't believe this

Baek: am I actually _stupid_?

Kyungsoo: Baekhyun

Baek: I should have put two and two together! Dae told me his step brother was 6 years older and that he recently opened up a museum and Yifan had said his new boss is only 3 years older and god

Baek: I swear I didn't fucking know maybe I did say something

Dad: Baek, you did nothing wrong. I knew already and didn't see an issue with it? I don't think he would let his emotions get in the way of what he knows

Snake #2: Chanyeol, how did you know that?

Chanyeol: I was just curious about Daehyun and found that!!!

Snake #1: so you and Jongdae knew. Did you two say something to Daehyun?

Jongdae: Luhan knew too… that's why he was trying to stop Minseok.

Yixing: I'm going to go talk to Daehyun

Dad: No. Just don't do anything.

Jongdae: yeah guys please don't do anything. I messaged Youngjae to see if he knew something but just said Daehyun was acting strange. Maybe Daehyun really didn't have anything to do with his actions? Other than the fact he acted on it.

Yixing: I need to do something! I was the one who set them up!

Baek: then take responsibility for being a blind sheep and setting me up with someone when it was clear to everyone else but _you_ that I already liked someone!

Mom: Baek please don't do this right now

Yixing: why didn't you say anything then?

Baek: it was clear! Just like spotting a yellow umbrella in a busy metropolitan area, everyone could see I like you, but you!

Yixing: I

Chanyeol: Baek

Baek: you broke my heart and you set up this new heartbreak

Baek: it's your fault

Baek: I'm fucking out of here fuck this fuck Daehyun fuck Yixing fuck everyone

**_Baek logged off_ **

**_Dad logged off_ **

Mom: give him time to cool off, okay guys?

Yixing: did all of you know?

Chanyeol: yes, and I low-key disliked you for it. Luhan too but he decided to be supportive.

Snake #1: it was too easy that I made a bet with Sehun. He owes me an ice cream since I won.

Mom: you guys can't place bets on people's feelings

Snake #1: not my fault Baekhyun is also a dumbass for not confessing his feelings and Yixing for being dense as fuck

Mom: Tao!

Snake #1: don’t “Tao” me. I get you tried to make sure they didn’t hurt each others feelings but it’s bound to happen anyway! Yixing doesn’t even like Baekhyun why are you getting Baek’s hopes up!

Lil Shit: I support this decision of all of us coming clean but can we not fight? Once Baekhyun gets angry, everyone else is angry and I can’t do that right now.

Jongdae: we all knew but I also knew that Yixing was too busy with school and other things that he wouldn’t consider dating anyone for a few years.

Yixing: I didn’t mean to

Snake #1: well, you did

Jongdae: Can you stop trying to start a war, you asshat? Yixing never lead Baekhyun on, so Baekhyun already knew his position in Yixing’s eyes but continued to blindly follow.

Snake #1: because he’s also a dumbass!

Mom: TAO

Snake #2: log off

Snake #1: what?

Snake #2: I said, **_log off_ **. I’m not going to sit here and have you attack both Yixing and Baekhyun. I don’t know what’s your fucking problem is but I’m not going to deal with it and no one else will.

Snake #1: like I need any of you anyway

**_Snake #1 logged off_ **

Mom: everyone log off, there’s too much tension right now for any of you to talk to each other. I don’t want anyone picking sides because this isn’t the time for that.

 

**_Chat has been disabled by “Mom”_ **

 

_°_

_Group name: What’s the situation?_

Jongdae: Youngjae just told me he has a feeling Daehyun’s mom put him up to this.

Chanyeol: He seems like a good guy but there’s a possibility he did this himself :/

**_Jongdae invited Youngjae to the chat_ **

**_Youngjae logged on_ **

Youngjae: I can assure you guys, Daehyun would never do this. I’m the one he came whining to whenever Baek would just _breathe_. My boy is Whipped, okay? So I know he couldn’t have done this without his mom saying something to him.

Chanyeol: Alright, I’ll trust your word. What do we do now?

Youngjae: I invited Daehyun to the arcade so I’ll try to get him to spill. I’ll report back to you guys, okay?

**_Luhan logged on_ **

Luhan: please, for the love of baozi’s, never fucking fuel Minseok’s wrath and never get him angry I have been through a fucking war trying to get him to stop from reaching Daehyun’s neighborhood. He only stopped when I promised to bring him to a spa to relax.

Luhan: also, this is Daehyun’s best friend?

Jongdae: I figured I should invite him here since Mom disabled the other chat.

Luhan: He did?!?!? Why the hell

Chanyeol: Baekhyun got angry and spilled his feelings and caused a war. Tao was attacking both Yixing and Baekhyun, Mom was stressed, Jongin snapped, Mom disabled the chat and won’t start it up again until we all are cooled off. Jongdae tried making everyone riot down but you know

Youngjae: Just trust me, okay? Daehyun really wouldn’t do this. He’s been so happy Baekhyun has decided to be his friend, he wouldn’t throw this away.

Luhan: we are all putting our trust on you, kid. None of this will get fixed if someone doesn’t start it.

Jongdae: I don’t want us to be fighting, especially Sehun. Our little brother has enough already.

Chanyeol: Man, why am I always crying?

Luhan: hopefully we all make amends before Tao’s birthday.

°

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly what the fuck am I doing


End file.
